Are you struggling with Christian codependency? These 7 signs will help you decide if you are a codependent Christian or not. When we are being “codependent” it means that we have an unhealthy way of reacting to a problem in someone close to us or an unhealthy pattern of coping.

1. Do you care for others? Caring means caring for other people and doing things for them that they should do for themselves. It is healthy to take care of people when they cannot really take care of themselves, such as due to illness or age; otherwise, it is healthy to let people take care of themselves (Galatians 6:5).

2. Do you obsess over others? You obsess when you can’t stop thinking and focus on another person. Whether it’s a problem you want to fix, an attempt to try to change the person, or a constant worry, obsession takes your mind off living your life (2 Corinthians 10:5).

3. Do you ignore your own needs? Do you ignore your own needs by repeatedly putting the needs of others before your own? The belief that God wants you to always put others before yourself is a misunderstanding of Scripture. God expects you to take care of yourself (Ephesians 5:29) and then balance taking care of others with taking care of yourself (Philippians 2:4).

4. Do you feel responsible for others? Codependents often feel responsible for other people’s choices, feelings, and needs. You feel responsible when you feel it’s your fault that someone feels bad, suffers consequences, or doesn’t have needs met. You are not responsible for others; they are responsible for themselves before God and will give an account of their choices (Romans 14:12).

5. Do you feel guilty? Guilt feelings often arise in codependents when they tell people no, take care of themselves, or have negative reactions from other people. Guilt is misplaced when you feel bad about things that aren’t wrong (James 4:17). Taking care of yourself in relationships is the right thing to do.

6. Do you feel resentful? Giving too much and tolerating too much results in codependents feeling angry and resentful of the people they are sacrificing for. Resentment comes from feeling like there are no other options, which is not true. It is a choice to give too much and codependents need to recognize that the choice to give stems from their own insecurity and need to please (2 Corinthians 9:7).

7. Do you control people, places and things? The need to control stems from the belief that things have to be a certain way to be right. Control manifests itself in the many attempts to scold, coerce, threaten, plead, plead, and manipulate to get the other person to change. Control is an illusion. Admitting powerlessness over others actually gives codependents the power to live their own lives (Romans 8:28).

If you answered yes to some or all of these 7 signs, then you are codependent, and if you are a Christian, then you are a codependent Christian. The first thing you must do to change is to identify the problem. God does not expect you to be codependent. He wants you to live your life fully and allow others to live their own lives. He will help you change.