Narcissistic partners like to use the silent treatment and other passive aggressive punishments on anyone who dares call them out on suspicious or questionable behavior. Particularly demoralizing, invoking the silent treatment is a narcissist’s way of teaching the victim a lesson and asserting control in the relationship. I speak from experience when I say that subjecting someone to the silent treatment is one of, if not the most, hurtful things a narcissist will do to fulfill their relationship agenda. What the silence “says” to the victim is that she is not even worth acknowledging… that the very existence of the victim is not worth the time of the narcissist’s day.

Initially, my narcissistic ex-boyfriend of twelve years put me through a narcissistic silent treatment every three to six months. Twelve years later, the silence came to me on a rotation of two weeks on two weeks off. Of course, the relationship had gotten so ridiculous in that moment that she would almost welcome silence as painful as it was. Even now, I hate to think about the girl who was suffering on the other side of that rotation because I’m sure she existed.

No matter how long or how often you are subjected to a silent treatment, the feeling you are left with is indescribable. To add to the pain, the narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath usually won’t even explain why they’re ignoring you. This causes feelings of despair and often forces the recipient to apologize simply for the sake of apologizing, hoping to put an end to the nightmare. Of course, everything the victim feels when she is rejected and ignored is exactly what the narcissist intended that person to feel. Remember, everything a narcissist does or says is a means to an end. Behind every narcissistic action, there is always an evil motive. With the silent treatment, the reason has to do with control.

Meanwhile, while the victim suffers, the narcissist goes about his business until, at some point, the punishment becomes “enough.” When this happens, the narcissist usually returns unexpectedly and offers little or no explanation as to why he left or didn’t answer the door, phone, emails, or text messages. Having felt so broken and despondent during the silence, the victim is often so relieved that it’s over that she doesn’t demand answers anyway. This particular response, by the way, is an intentional result of this type of passive-aggressive punishment and one of the powerful ways that a person with this personality disorder is able to lower the expectations of others so that they expect less of him and become get away with it. with more.

You must understand that there is never a good reason for absolute silence. Communication is key in any relationship and should not be controlled by just one person. The narcissistic partner will stop at nothing to hurt you and will cross all boundaries, personal and otherwise, to break your spirit and literally destroy you. The silent treatment is just one weapon in the narcissistic partner’s endless arsenal of pain-producers and you are the only one who can stop it. Trust me, the narcissist never will.