During the holiday seasons, I enjoy special food. My favorite during this time of year is the Shoofly Pie. Nothing hits the spot like this.

Although the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage restricts this type of culinary activity for the rest of the year, I tried to get a pass during the holidays. I don’t care what holiday it is, a holiday is a holiday and it deserves a special meal.

I don’t remember when I had my first cake, I just focus on my next slice.

When I first brought it home, my wife asked me what the hell it was. I told him it was a Shoofly Pie …

Looking at me curiously, he said, “What is a Shoofly Pie?”

Without even thinking about it, I smiled and replied, “It’s a piece of heaven on this side of heaven.”

Then he wanted to know where that name “Shoofly Pie” came from.

Without really knowing it, I “prepared” a story that I thought would please her.

The story went something like this. A lady from Pennsylvania was trying to bake a special cake for her husband. It took him several days to figure out how he would make this special cake. Finally, something occurred to him that he had never seen before.

When she was introduced to her husband, he was dumbfounded and said, “What is that cake?”

Before I could respond, a fly seemed to hover over the cake, crushed it, and said, “Shoofly.” The husband looked at her and said, “That’s wonderful. Who ever heard of shoofly pie? You’re a genius.”

And so the Shoofly Pie adventure began. Whether that is close to the story or not, it seemed fine to me at the time and I introduced it to my wife.

Where we live, it is difficult to find a Shoofly Pie. Normally, I have to order it somewhere in the north.

Once we were at a nearby restaurant, I spoke to the waitress about the Shoofly Pie that I had never heard of. My wife had the recipe so we shared it with her. He wanted to surprise us with a homemade Shoofly Pie.

When he gave it to us, it looked nothing like a real Shoofly Pie. We took it with joy, but it wasn’t really real.

As I thought about this mysterious cake, I thought about how this concept would work in other aspects of life.

For instance. I would like to develop a Shoo-Politician cake. Maybe this will be a great experience for us. Every time we see a politician, we present him with a Shoo-Politician cake. How much bigger would our life be if politicians weren’t the center of attention in our lives.

When a politician gives a speech, he will be charged a dollar per word. After all, a dollar is not much and there is no speech either. Of course, this should be paid for in advance. As soon as the politician reaches the end of his word count, everyone will say, “Shoo-Political.”

I think this would restore a lot of sanity to our country today.

So I thought of another cake to develop. I’ll call this the Shoo-Telemarketer Pie. This is second only to politicians.

To date, I have received over 1 million calls saying, “This is the last call you will get to renew your car warranty.”

I’ve looked in my dictionary to find out what the definition of “last call” is. I guess it has a different meaning for different people. Even my wife agrees with me on this. And you know, that’s a monumental achievement.

I don’t know why they call them telemarketers, but I sure would like to tell you a thing or two.

Another cake that I would like to develop would be the Shoo-Grumpy cake. I’ve come across a lot of grumpy people lately. I’m not sure where they’re coming from and I’m not sure where they’re going, but I have my guesses.

I can’t relate to grumpy people because I’m not quite sure why they are grumpy. What I’ve noticed lately is that a bad mood is not a matter of age. There are grumpy people of all ages. I’m not really sure how this started.

If someone has the right to be in a bad mood, it is someone like me who has to listen to those people who are in a bad mood.

How much happier would this world be if there were no grumpy people in it? I know there are moments of bad humor, but that should not be forever. Nothing is more frustrating than queuing at the cash register behind a grumpy old customer who is displaying a bad temper. I wonder if it is contagious.

Thinking about this, my list is getting longer and longer. There are so many things I’d like to cut out of my life that I probably need to get into the “pie-making business.”

Thinking along this line, I remembered a verse from the Bible. “Therefore, come out of their midst and be separate, says the Lord, and touch not the unclean, and I will receive you” (2 Corinthians 6:17).

The older I get, the more things I see that I need to “scare” out of my life. Sometimes it is difficult, but the end result is what really matters. One last cake would be the “Shoo-Sin Cake”.