I sometimes hear from wives who aren’t sure how to handle it when their husband suddenly shuts down and shuts down after the wife finds out and wants to work things out. Often the more the wife feels that she absolutely has to have the answers, the less the husband wants to give them.

I heard a wife say, “I found out my husband had a month-long affair with the home care nurse who takes care of his mother. Basically, they were only together when he visited his mother. Once I found out, we requested a new nurse and he immediately broke up. He insisted he wanted to save our marriage and I wanted that too. But he’s not acting the way you’d expect from a man who’s trying to provide for his wife. He barely says two words to me. He rarely looks me in the eye. He no longer laughs or touches me. If I ask him what is wrong, he tells me that nothing is wrong. I will try to answer this question in the next article.

Why Men Shut Out Their Wives After Cheating Or Having An Affair: There are many reasons why you may see what is called flat affection from your husband. Often, she feels a lot of conflicting emotions that she is trying to suppress. The process of him trying to suppress those feelings can contribute to that kind of nonchalant posture you’re seeing right now. She often feels ashamed, guilty, confused and even embarrassed. And she fears that if she shows any emotion, his armor will break and everything will spill out.

Also, many men will give you a cold and distant response because they are trying to discourage you from going too deep. They don’t want to answer a lot of questions about what or who started the affair, why it happened, or if it could happen again. (And this is not necessarily because they intend to cheat again.) Sometimes they just don’t have all of those answers. They are not sure why they acted the way they did. And the idea of ​​self-exploration just doesn’t appeal to them. Also, they hope that if they don’t give you anything to work with, you’ll eventually be grateful for what they can give you and back off. In short, they are trying to condition you into not expecting or demanding too much, which of course isn’t fair to you. And it makes you wonder if they really care enough about you to open up or show some emotions.

How to handle it when your husband excludes you or closes himself off: I know it’s probably very tempting to want to grab him by the shoulders, shake him, and demand that he stop acting like a child or the victim he’s certainly not. A lot of wives really try to piss him off just to get some sort of response from him. They believe that anything is worth trying to get you out of your depression.

But even when the wives are successful and get some emotional response, this is usually only a temporary solution. She may lose her cool for a second, but she will usually go back to her old closed-off self. That’s why she can help try to call him and address him. You might consider saying something like, “Listen, we can’t heal if you don’t open up and communicate with me. I understand that things are very uncomfortable between us and neither of us knows where we are, but shutting down and withdrawing won’t get us anywhere. Instead, it makes me feel like you don’t care enough to share your feelings with me or aren’t committed enough to get through this. I’m not your enemy. I want to work this out with you. Can we work together so that can start? to open up a little more. I need to see How do you really feel about this?

I can’t promise that this speech will suddenly turn you into a chatterbox ready to share everything, but it may be the first step toward baby steps. Sometimes you will have to settle for small improvements that build as he becomes more comfortable and sees that you are sincere in wanting to work things out. It is also important that he believes that you do not intend to punish him or keep him forever. In short, both of you need to feel safe with each other and this takes a little time. Usually someone has to break the ice. And since her husband has pretty much shut himself down, you’re probably the most logical person to do it, at least at first.