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Restaurant Food Review: Bar Stools, Why They’re So Uncomfortable

Hey, Restaurant Guy, we are your customers. That’s right, we pay your bills, so listen up. Why are your bar stools so uncomfortable? Do you really want us to jump ship and move to another bar where we can comfortably adjust our attitude? Before defending the bar stools, sit on one for thirty minutes without getting up. Are you relieved to get up or do you want to ask for another toy and relax?

There are thousands of attempts at bar stool design, which means that no bar stool designer has gotten it right yet. The design of the bar stool is a classic case of function forgotten by form. It’s obvious to us, just from an inspection (even more so by endangering our butts), that bar stools are designed and selected for their appearance, not our comfort. Somewhere there has to be an annual international competition for “World’s Most Uncomfortable Bar Stool.” The judges would sit the designers on their own creations and observe their expressions of pain to establish the discomfort index for each bar stool. A perennial winner must be the Grape Pattern Cast Iron Bar Stool – Cast Iron Legs, Cast Iron Seat, Cast Iron Armrests, and Cast Iron Backrest. It takes two people to move one of these horrors, and the discomfort rating is just below “La Maiden de Hierro” used in the Spanish Inquisition.

Some importance should be attached to the type of bar you use. All bars can be grouped into three categories: 1) drinking bars, including those that serve some food; 2) holding tanks for restaurant diners waiting to be seated; 3) auto body shops whose inhabitants hang around for company.

Body bar stools require the least comfort. Sitting too long in a body shop could be interpreted negatively and backfire in our search for Mr. or Mrs. Goodbar. Therefore, we must mix, not bet an exclusion claim. An uncomfortable bar stool is a reminder to get out into the melee.

Comfortable bar stools offer a business opportunity for restaurant storage tank bars. Given a comfortable place to settle in your bar, some of us might migrate and nest in your operation during happy hour and when there is no wait at the restaurant. This extra income could pay for comfortable bar stools.

We insist on comfortable bar stools in bars. Without delving into the psychological manifestations, your drink bar exists so that we can escape from whatever is bothering us. We come to you for relief. Whether the relief comes from a bottle, company, or loneliness, escaping reality is impossible when the bar stool continues to haunt our heinies in real time.

Since designers have yet to produce the perfect bar stool, we will give you a shopping list of features for you as a bar operator to look for when replacing your bar stools.

1) Large, soft padded seat – essential! A real plus for the big butt.

2) Soft padded back – prevents back pain. Don’t bother with the back of a bar stool unless it’s comfortable.

3) Swivel seat: avoid neck pain when you speak or look with your eyes at the person next to you.

4) Arms: nice, but optional. They take up space and could weaken another bar patron if we suddenly turn around.

5) Adjustable footrest: prevent leg cramps while hanging in the air.

6) Swivel wheels: make it easy to get on the bar. It is also useful for taking overly relaxed customers to a taxi.

Then of course there is the bar stool of a style that has yet to be tried: the recliner! The first bar with reclining stools will become a tourist attraction.

copyright 2006 Bill Stephens

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