If you’re single, you know the feeling of wanting to be hugged, touched, appreciated; that need for a passionate touch, a comforting touch, any kind of touch, and the suffering that comes from having no one to give you that touch.

It is not so well known that many people who are married and in a relationship also suffer from the unsatisfied need for touch, physical comfort and passion. Their history is different from that of singles, and the reasons for the lack of contact in their relationship can be varied, from a good relationship gone bad to health problems of one of the spouses.

Most of us yearn to play and can’t live well without it. Having to live without it can be unbearable. So what does a person do when there is no one to satisfy the need for contact? You learn to satisfy part of your desire to touch yourself.

The truth is, until you are in a loving, intimate, long-term, delicate relationship, your need for contact will not be fully satisfied. If that’s not the motivation to get your butt out of your chair and solve the relationship problems that are keeping you from having a loving, sensitive, and lasting relationship, I don’t know what is.

The need to touch is very similar to the need to eat. You may be satisfied for today, but tomorrow the need will arise again. Be prepared when the need arises on a daily basis. Choose a few suggestions below and practice them daily to keep your desire to play at bay. Reducing your desire to touch will make it easier for you to make better relationship decisions.

Speaking of cravings, here are things NOT to do to satisfy your need for physical contact:

* Don’t sleep with an unavailable, married or involved person just because you need to be touched.

* Don’t settle for a relationship or a couple you don’t really want just to have someone touch you.

* Don’t cheat to satisfy your need for contact.

If you do any of this, you’ll end up with a little fun and a little touch, and then a whole lot of heartache and love trouble. When love trouble starts, the touch will be gone and you will be heartbroken and touchless again.

Healthy ways to satisfy your need for touch:

1. Stimulate your skin

One of the things you miss out on when you don’t touch enough is sensory stimulation to the skin. Help yourself get more sensory stimulation by deliberately choosing the softest sheets, blankets, pillows, and very soft and even silky clothing. Pay attention to the objects around you throughout the day and see if you can specifically make them pleasant to the touch.

2. Give yourself comfort and pleasure

Touch gives us comfort and pleasure, and not just sexual pleasure. When you’re not being touched, it’s hard to feel comforted and hard not to crave pleasure. To help, find ways to comfort yourself. Try a relaxing cup of tea, a heart-centered meditation, listening to sweet music, or reading poetry. Try taking a brisk walk to feel the pleasure of the sun or the wind on your skin. Take a bath to feel the pleasure of the water on your skin. Walk barefoot on the grass to feel the softness of the grass on your toes. You get the idea.

3. Receive hugs and caresses

Even when you do not have a lover to touch you, you still need him to cuddle and pamper you – get a pet for this. Studies show that people with pets experience less stress. The act of petting an animal brings pleasure and provides a way to physically connect with someone who loves you. You could even take your pet to bed with you and cuddle her, especially if she is a puppy or kitten.

4. Pay someone to touch you

No not like that! Find a loving and confident massage therapist or massage therapist and get a weekly massage. Many people are reluctant to go this route, as they feel uncomfortable when a stranger touches them. But if you find the right person, he or she will be able to comfort and nurture you in a respectful and satisfying way. If money is an issue, call your local massage school and make an appointment at their clinic. At a school clinic you can get a great massage for around $25. If you like the person and help them build a practice, you may be able to get massages at that price for a long time.

5. Give and receive hugs

Hug and ask to be hugged by the people in your life. Hugs will help you satisfy your need for contact. Ask your friends and family for hugs and give your kids lots of hugs. Everyone will appreciate the extra touch, and everyone involved will be better off. (It goes without saying, don’t give hugs to people who haven’t given you some level of permission to do so, and don’t hug children you’re not related to unless that child’s parents explicitly approve.)

6. Touch yourself

Yes, that way too. But above all give yourself a foot massage, a neck massage or a hand massage. Or soak in a bath and scrub your entire body with a loofah or soft washcloth.

7. Move your body

Exercise, dance, walk. Moving your body will boost your endorphins, get you in shape, and help you feel good about your body. And moving just feels good for the body. In the absence of touch, bodily pleasure is what you most want to get.

8. Controversial ways to satisfy your need for contact

I’ve read about cuddle parties, where you meet other people just to snuggle, and where boundaries related to other physical behaviors are specifically verbalized and respected. If that interests you, Google “cuddle parties” on your computer. Alternatively, you can get a cuddle buddy. A cuddle buddy would be someone you would just snuggle with. If you do find a cuddle partner, make sure you both are very clear about what will and won’t happen and how you both feel about each other.

Your need for contact is natural and normal. It will be great when you have someone wonderful in your life to hug, touch and love. Until that day, take care of your own need for touch using the suggestions above, and you’ll find yourself happy and less touch-hungry.